by Julian Lytle
Basically: What if Michael Bay made the worst movie of the new century?
Transformers: The Last Knight is infuriating. I’ve been a Transformers apologist. I’ve seen all the movies from Michael Bay. I’ve told people to go and see the spectacle on screen. Unlike some others, I don’t put the first generation 1984 Transformers cartoon on some untouchable pedestal but, man, Transformers: The Last Knight is one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s all over the place, but I’ll try to break down some of the plot/purpose of this mess: Back in the dark ages, Merlin and King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table were allied with a group of Transformers who helped them create peace in England. Thus there is an item on Earth that is needed to reform Cybertron. Optimus Prime is sent by his creator to obtain this object. Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) has to deal with being an enemy of the state for being friends with the Autobots since all Transformers are banned from the world—for some reason—and Cade is chosen by a Transformer Knight to find this object as well. Stuff then blows up.
None of that really made any sense, right? Yeah, that’s the best I can do from this wackness. This movie has random scenes put together with explosions and weird camera angles from all directions. The humor is poorly timed and none of the elements work together to tell the story, not for Transformer fans and not in relation to what happened in the previous movies. For some reason, Bumblebee can now be blown up and pull himself back together, but when the same thing happens to another transformer they’re dead. Everything about Transformers: The Last Knight leaves you sitting there saying HOW SWAY!? (internet meme for those that don’t know). The whole “Optimus goes bad” plot point is dealt with in a manner of 7 minutes—how is this the main selling point of the movie? We spend most of the runtime journeying with Cade to England. There is so much of Michael Bay’s love jones for the US military that at times it feels like we are in a new 13 Hours.
At this point, we should all hope that this is, in fact, Bay’s last time in the director’s chair. The lack of feeling and apparent boredom of all people involved from the top all the way through to whoever did the special effects…[speechless]. This franchise needs new hands; it leaves me with zero hope for the Bumblebee spinoff or for Transformers 6 (there is a closing credits scene). This movie is the complete worst.
In The End: Transformers: The Last Knight is such bad movie making it’s not even so bad it’s good, it’s just wack.