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Hire Your Own Personal Paparazzi

Real celebrities are forever complaining about being chased by nasty paparazzi, but that hasn’t harmed the growth of a cottage industry in the UK of paparazzi available for hire to celebrity wannabes. If you’re desperate to feel like a former Big Brother contestant, it’s one step up from renting a pink limo for your hen night.

VIP for a Day is a package from the “experience gift” company Treatme.net and costs £629 for the evening. It provides a driver and “bodyguard” for your big night out, and sends along a chap with a camera who will aggressively take photos. Unfortunately, reality hits in the small print: “The VIP is responsible for all their own expenditure, including admission charges, drinks and meals, etc. VIP access to clubs will depend on chosen venue.”

Paparazzi Experience is a slightly cheaper offering from another company. For about £150 per person, you get two nights in a B&B, a make-up artist, and “during the evening have your very own paparazzi capturing every minute of your special night. No one will know you aren’t famous!!”

Paparella is a bit more middle class, rather more Mario Testino than Adnan Ghalib. It’ll send a former Vogue photographer round: “We start shooting the moment the kids wake up, and won’t stop until they go to sleep!” Aaaaaaargh.